We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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