I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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