I haven't been this sober since birth.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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