just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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