just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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