My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
