...so i touched it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
