while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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