I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
