North Korea, Best Korea!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
