oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
