Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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