I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Everclear isn't food dammit
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
