I got chris browned last night
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
