They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You need Xanax blowdarts
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
