I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
