After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
