return my video game
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
