I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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