omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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