That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
