I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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