A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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