how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
