D3 body, D1 cock
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
