Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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