I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
