i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
