I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
