HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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