Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
bring money and cleavage
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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