The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think people are normalizing furries
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
