On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
