did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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