I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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