I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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