P.S. I can't hear my feet
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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