I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
