the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
