CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
