Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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