Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Are we still banned from the library?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
