you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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