Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
