No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
