sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
