covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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