That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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