i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
