I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
