you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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