Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
