dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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