I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
