I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
