They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
