I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
